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We just had the most fabulous time. Then she got married when she was 26, and my heart broke. To be cut off from my sister was very difficult for me, but it was a good opportunity to go out and do something on my own.

I loved being single. So, yes, I thought about getting married and having children. At first, I wanted someone to take care of me — it was what everyone was doing in those days!

You could go out, you could meet men. You could sleep with men! There was a point in my life where I was dating a lot of different men, and that was great.

But as I grew up, I decided that I wanted just one person. It had to be someone whom I cared about a lot.

Growing up, I felt like a lot of my friends were having sex with men just because they wanted somebody to be with. Somebody to stay with them.

And that was never important to me. Everything changed for me! I got married 12 years after my sister did — at 38 years old.

I wanted a partner in life. I used to see women with men, and the men were so obnoxious. Any man who is clingy and all over me, I have a real problem with.

He is very interesting; we have a great relationship. He does his own thing, and I do mine. We had major issues because our families are different ethnicities and practice different religions.

But ultimately, we decided to elope. So she came, too. For me, the only way that I can feel pleasure in a sexual relationship is to be with someone whom I really care about.

Who else can give you pleasure? Can you experience different pleasure with different sexual partners? But it still has to be somebody that I care about.

I experienced sex as it happened. Was it frightening to have sex for the first time? But I knew what pleasured me. As I got older, it got a little bit easier.

I think it is something you have to do. The attitude around sex has changed so much since I was younger.

It makes a difference. Sex is very emotional. What if you have sex with someone and afterwards they never talk to you again?

It happens a lot! You have to be ready to understand that. Miami Beach was only 30 years old. It was a sunny childhood, full of blue skies and warm waters, which really allowed me to think of other things beyond my own physical body.

I was able to explore the world around me with a wonderful sense of freedom. People would sit outdoors in the evening and watch the stars or Venus rising, admire the sunset over the tree lines.

There was no distraction from the forces of nature. I was raised in a home that celebrated pleasure. The pleasure of daily life was emphasized.

It was important to celebrate each meal. Nothing was done with haste, just to get through the day.

Meals were always a special time full with pleasure — the pleasure of the food, the pleasure of the taste. In fact, meals were seductive.

It was full of pleasure! The pleasure of the sun and the salt. It was not lost on my parents. They knew the seasons. They knew when you could smell the fertile earth!

Everything was celebrated. Sex was a natural part of living. My parents were openly affectionate. It was never hush-hush.

As we became teenagers — and of course, the rules were different those days and sex was not discussed in the same way — my parents never told me that I had to be a virgin when I got married.

They never asked what I was doing with my partners. They would hear me giggle and ignore it. They trusted my own ability to monitor my life.

A lot of this came from my mother: Her sense of respecting the body translated into sex. My respect for my body being the temple that houses the higher faculty of the mind came from her.

Sex and pleasure were never connected in my life. I felt like pleasure was everywhere all the time, but sex was a very specific act.

Pleasure, on the other hand, was a lubricant. Sex still felt like something to be preserved by two people who wanted to use it as a way to bond deeply.

They never discussed it directly, but you knew it from the way my father admired my mother, the books they read, the references. It was so there.

We openly discussed films and literature which had sexual content, which in the time I grew up, was repressed and taboo.

But not in my home. You have to decide what is sacred for yourself — and something always has to be sacred.

And this is a movement that needed to happen. When I was in college, there were still panty raids. It really was a different world.

Betty Friedan, Gloria Steinem, these are all upper-middle-class women. Others in the movement, if their husbands, fathers, lovers, sons or brothers had wanted to give up one quarter of an inch of their yardstick, there would have been movement.

Finally, women had to wrench it out of their hands. Photos by Lulu Graham. It's the only organ of the body with the sole function of providing pleasure.

Lisa also thinks getting to know your menstrual cycle is an important way of ensuring you get the most from the experience.

You may not feel the urge to masturbate during your pre-menstrual cycle, but the orgasms will actually be way better, even if they do take a bit longer.

You may also want to press down and rub in a circular motion. Confused by the variety of animal-themed vibrators and neon dildos available online?

Well, our girls think it's best to go organic. Lisa thinks that, though sex toys can be a good way to introduce newcomers to the self-pleasure game, it's best to avoid becoming dependent on them.

You want to be able to touch yourself, so that you can be playful and get to know the speed and feel you want. Then, while pressing down lightly, wiggle the fingers towards each other, squeezing and lifting the labia together between the two fingers.

Get to know your clit "You're clitoris is awesome," says Lisa. As mentioned above, the clitoris is more than just the outer, bean-shaped part.

This makes it the powerhouse of pleasure. You may also want to use a small circular motion, depending on your preferences.

It's important to enjoy the whole experience, rather than racing to the finish line. Lube can be particularly good for assisting in the arousal process.

Give yourself the full experience by making time to be exploratory and playful. Lockdown heroes: 'Lying on a bed fighting for your life'.

Catherine Murnane 12 February Share this:. Copy this link. This article contains adult themes. The only thing to do now is read on, and plan an early night.

Women pleasuring each other